Friday, February 1, 2008

Coffee Calamity

Well, it snowed...again. School has been cancelled. Yipee. (Notice the lack of enthusiasm.) But, that's the least of my worries today.

I woke this morning, brewed my usual pot of coffee, poured myself a nice steamy cup of sanity, and realized (gasp!) that I'm out of creamer. (stiffling a sob)

Now, I used to always drink my coffee black. Loved the stuff. But, then I discovered the wonderful world of flavored coffee additives, the blessed creations that they are. (swoon) I began to enjoy the smooth creaminess of French vanilla...the soothingly subtle hint of hazelnut...the blissfully silky tones of amaretto. (moan)

It's an addiction, really. A sinful, naughty addiction. A "spank-me-if-you-must-because-I-really-gotta-have-it" addiction. A "sitting-on-a-park-bench-homeless-with-a-paper-bag-from-Starbucks" addiction. A "pimp-me-out...please-just-gimme-a-little-taste" addiction. A "give-it-to-me-and-I'll-purr-like-a-baby-walrus" addiction. (whew! Is it getting warm in here?!)

Anyway...I'm stuck here with the nearest grocery mere blocks away...taunting me. I'd walk, but I can't take the baby out in this nasty weather. And, I certainly can't leave him here! I could just see the headlines: Baby Abandoned As Mother Seeks Coffee-Mate "Fix".

Oh...woe....woe is me!

I'd try to make some, but regrettably, I'm fresh out of Dipotassium Phosphate, and I'm running dangerously low on Silicon Dioxide and Soy Lecithin. What the heck have I been drinking for the past year!!! Weird ingredients aside...I MUST have it!!! I don't care if, months from now, I have a third leg sprouting out of my neck and an additional buttock! GIVE ME THAT SWEET CREAMY GOODNESS THAT I SO DESPERATELY CRAVE!!!!! (slapping myself) Snap out of it!

Well, anyway, I'm going to try to make it though a creamer-free day. (weep) Maybe...with the roads so slick and hazardous today...a Cremora truck might have a nasty little "accident" in front of my house. (I swear I'd be out there lapping the stuff off the sidewalk like a kitten with a saucer of milk!) (sigh)

Well, I gotta go for now. But, if you're in the neighborhood...I'd gladly pay you Tuesday for an Espresso Macchiato today. (grin) Thanks a Latte! (Yeah...that one was a bit corny...even for me!)

No comments: